Divorce Epidemic: Who Is In Fault

It’s difficult to name the reason. Maybe, men realized malignancy of dissolute behavior (it’s hard to believe), or wives see no problems in it (it’s hard to believe too), or women, finally, got tired of unsuccessful struggle with man’s drunkenness, debauchery and started treating these “minuses” not as a cause for divorce, but a reason not to marry at all. It’s inexplicable, but it’s the truth – it’s not man’s uncontrollability that takes the first place in a family’s blacklist of enemies, but quite a decent reason – wrong choice of partner.

Newly-married often make mistakes, because they have no clear idea about their partner in life. First discernments and comparison with own predilections and tastes with reality usually take place after wedding. Here’s the main idea: firstly you should receive a complete impression about each other, and then think about marriage. How should you do it?

Psychologists advise composing a description of a potential partner, whom you can not only go out with but also plan long-term relationships. By the way, variants “love” and long-term relationships” are quite different, so you can compose 2 lists, or 3, to your taste. All the same none of them, being a mixture of youthful dreams, cinema stamps and mother’s admonitions, has the slightest chance for materialization. So, you will have to rely on your own intuition, moreover, you have nothing else to do.

One of the most popular reasons of family crashes is “emotional immaturity” of partners. Early marriages can be “immature” more often. Girls and boys haven’t forgotten children fairy tales about happy love yet, vague memories still stir up delicate youthful psyche, and in addition, there’re hormones playing – here a quite immature decision “ripens”.

Only fairy tales end with wedding. But they don’t know about heals of dirty socks, hills of unwashed dishes, and constantly hungry husband, and a wife, dissatisfied with his earnings. Severe family monotony destroys fairy charm. “You’ve hurried”, – parents complain, “You’ve hastened”, – friends support. “Well, you’re right”, – newly-weds agree and scatter. It’s a very popular case, although a clinical one. It’s quite naturally for 20 years, somehow strangely in 30, and after 40 – it’s already a serious pathology, most often striking men. As they say, “no fool like an old fool”…

Crisis is a usual and predictable phenomenon for a family life (1, 3, 7 years and so on). Not all of them lead to such sad final, like divorce, but only those, which could not be regulated. Sexual boredom can become such difficult problem for a married couple. Charm of novelty disappears after years of coexistence, and infidelities often take place while search for it. Infidelities by themselves do not provoke a breakup yet but sometimes can even strengthen relationships. It’s collision of positions that lead to a divorce.

Men and women treat unfaithfulness in different ways. As it’s known, sex is not a reason for acquaintance yet for men, they understand they do something wrong, that’s why they try to hide they affairs with all their might. Well, if they fail, they are sincerely surprised: “What did I do to divorce?!” This position results not from primitivity of man’s reasoning, but from a predestination of male sex, laid by nature: taking care of integrity and augmenting of humankind, it obliged a male to impregnate as many females as he can. But humankind bred quickly, and necessity of mass insemination ceased to have significance. However, call of the wild still exists – it’s hard to fight against genetic memory.

Women seldom agree on sex for sex. Unlike her husband, a wife can be unfaithful not in chase of sexual pleasures, but of delight, worship, adoration. In general, she strives to flirt. Woman’s cheating is more dangerous for family well-being. A woman needs distinctness in everything: if she loved a new man – she leaves a previous one. And either she leaves herself or turns out her cheating husband of house and home. Of course, we can advise wives treating man’s cheating more graciously, and husbands – to remember about wives more often and try to understand them. But, most likely, these recommendations will remain theoretical.

Alcoholism

You shouldn’t dismiss drunkenness completely. It’s hard to live with a drunkard, sometimes unbearably and, by the highest standards, unnecessary. Not for him, yourself and moreover children. Alcoholism is a voluntarily acquired disease and you should blame an alcoholic in it. Of course, you can spend your whole life struggling with his alcoholism, save him, persuade, cure, waste strength, money and time. But usually, these efforts are not successful. If a “suffering” wants to make a complete recovery, he will do it without your help, if no – then nobody can help him. A person always has a choice, if someone decided to drown his life in drink, it’s not necessarily to keep his company.

It’s much easier to start relationships, then end them later. It’s important for you to remember about it, when later you will connect your life with an inappropriate man, although a loved one.