Well, if so, why many wives, knowing that their husband is cheating, continue maintaining family hearth, forgive, shut their eyes to his passions? Why does this phenomenon live and prosper everywhere and is even considered as a norm of human relationships?
Is it really inevitable, that at some moment of his life, a necessity to have several women appears in a man? Unnecessary troubles, surplus pleasures, surplus impressions. Probably he misses something being with one woman.
“They are polygamous”. “Their faithlessness is only a tribute to flesh, but they still love their wife…”. “They need new impressions”. “They search for inexhaustible sources of adrenalin to renew dim and habitual relationships…”, – we can invent lots of excuses for male unfaithfulness, which became comfortable and usual stereotypes of social order long ago.
But you don’t care about them, because he cheats on you, not theoretically, but really, cheating on you every day, keeping you back and betraying you. And all these comforting words, that all men cheat on their wives, have no influence upon you, as it offends and hurts you and you even cannot breathe: “We loved each other so much! He’s the closest, dearest person! How could he act this way? This is a betrayal!”
“What’s my betrayal? I only slept with your tipsy girlfriend, who threw herself at me! But this doesn’t mean anything, I’ve never liked her. I cannot understand how it could happen. It’s some kind of delusion”, – a defaulter vindicates himself. Sometimes he says it aloud, and sometimes words are lost in a flow of accusations, accumulated offenses and other rubbish, which burst from a dam of restraint and quiet.
If unfaithfulness is different.
These are not casual affairs. This is a methodical and cynical deceit, which turns into some ritual and becomes surrounded with its own legends and theatrical performances, like: “Sorry, I need to go to work urgently. Don’t wait for me till morning”.
You ask, why some wives know about husband’s unfaithfulness so lately?
Because they know and feel this for a long already, but the truth hurts them, and they prefer shutting their eyes to everything, making a show of a happy family. And they can bear it for the whole life, keeping family and semblance of relationships. You can say this is their wisdom. Maybe? But nobody knows what they feel inside.
But why do they act this way?
Let’s try to surmise. They forgive this because of:
– Love. She loves him so much, cares about his well-being, that she’s even ready to forgive his unfaithfulness.
– Fear. To stay alone, destroy family, deprive children of father, lose stability and firmness of life, cause disapproval of society.
– Egoism. Very often a woman makes a compromise with her own feeling of offence to keep comfort and material welfare, which are connected with her husband. She doesn’t want to lose a house or car, sources of financing, support. Moreover, a man who cheats on her, tries to redress a wrong with presents and other signs of attention, what brings additional comfort in her life.
Such unfaithfulness becomes a peculiar instrument of manipulation and blackmail, an inexhaustible source of coaxing for a victim. In this situation we don’t speak about love and sufferings.
Let’s leave two last reasons, they are understandable and cause indulgence or negation. Let’s examine the first one.
In the name of love
When a woman allows her husband acting this way, she doesn’t show love for him. She shows her dependence and indifference to a man, whom she supposedly loves. She approves his unfaithfulness and deceit, connive at him. Real love should be more exacting to the cleanness of relationships, sincerity, openness between each other.
If she would tell him about her feelings, how deceit and cheating humble her, how their family feels lack of sincerity and truth, then he would be able to feel and understand the whole depth of her sufferings. But we don’t say a lot of things to each other, prepare our speech in our mind for thousands of times, but shout absolutely different words in a fit of anger and offense.
We splash out our pain with ripostes and insults and want to be understood. But such speeches only alienate us and increase gap of mutual misunderstandings and offenses.
How is it possible to stay calm, when your heart is breaking in two, how to deliver your love to a man, when you hate him for cheating and betrayal? How to behave: blow up at him or try to talk? Go into hysteric or leave him silently? There’s no unique recipe. You need to choose yourself, considering peculiarities of character of everyone.
Anyway, you need to discuss this subject seriously. Prepare, choose time, try not to go into hysteric or cry. It’s not easy.
You want to be ranting and raving because of pain and offense. And you already cannot appreciate his position, or you’re spellbound, depressed and offended to the innermost of your heart.
Sometimes it’s useful to splash out these emotions, otherwise, abscess can turn into gangrene. Sometimes we need to remove difficult life situations using surgical method, this is painful, but necessary, as long pathology can destroy any relations slowly.
Well, you are not regular rascals and cynics, you loved each other some time, and you love now. Everyone in his own way. Finally, you’re still together, connected by common life, family, house, children, relatives. Of course, you have common interests, business. It’s not so easy to destroy all this in a flash! And you shouldn’t. Just look differently at everything. Try to accept and understand that changes, which happen in our life. Maybe there were some reasons…
To avoid thoughtless actions in life, many men prefer cheating on the sly. They don’t want changing their life radically. They prefer changing the most obvious missing part. What’s part? Here you will have to think… He feels lack of harmonious sex, communication, warmth, attention, love? What do you miss? Don’t you want to talk to him on this subject?
You certainly need to find a reason of his unfaithfulness,
Try to investigate it and correct something in your relationships. Don’t hurry to stick negative labels on your husband. May be a real reason lies much deeper.
When people strive to understand each other and appreciate each other’s position, motives of acts become obvious, and they don’t hurry to shout words of accusations and offences. They try to listen and hear.
But, in principle, such information seldom is unexpected. As a rule, a number of previous difficult and conflict situations, small things, moments of tension and reticence precede the fact of unfaithfulness itself.
Sensitive woman always knows that there’re no fortuities.
Somewhere deep in her heart she even knows why this happened. And an inconsiderate one prefers shutting her eyes. She will never understand real reasons of his unfaithfulness and will choose one of ugly accusatory labels to name it. Because it will justify and protect her from her own responsibility for the situation happened. It’s easier to blame other person for your own problems!
In principle, there’s nothing tragic in the situation of unfaithfulness. As other person is not obliged to belong to us entirely. He’s not your property. And if a man does not justify our hopes, then this is not his fault, but peculiarity of our expectations.
He misses something in your relationships and cheats on you? This situation – is a unique possibility to look into yourself. You will be grateful to him for such an opportunity. May be, there’s some obvious hint in it, saying that you do something wrongly, live not the way you should. Act wrongly, think wrongly, and, may be, this is not your man and you live not in your fairy tale. So, may be you should use this prompting from on high and change something in yourself and your life, to gain that harmony, which you’ve been always dreaming of?