I’ve got 2 sons, their age difference is 5 years. I sustained such pause knowingly, in order not to impair my children in anything and give up for lost my education and husband’s carrier, to give both of us a possibility to recuperate after our restless first-born. Recently I visited my relatives’ place. A young man, father of 3 y.o. girl, asked me, looking at his absolutely pregnant wife: “How do you generally feel when you have got 2 children?” I looked at their still careless, quiet faces and said: “I’d better not tell you about it”.
I still remember that period well, when, after coming home from maternity hospital, I was on the verge of insanity. It seemed to me that nightmare would last forever. Double feeding, double bathing, double walking, double washing etc., and the most unpleasant – common diseases. Elder boy, who seemed to be already adult for me, tried to put a chewing gum into a new-born baby’s mouth when I left them for a moment. Next time he used a moment when I was absent and wanted to share his toys gladly with a little one: he held a huge street dump-truck, metallic one, covered with sand, above his brother’s head and promised to present it to him. Several times, I turned on tears in subway because of my helplessness, when I was going to my friend’s place or on business together with sons. One of them was sleeping in my hands or in a baby carriage, and another one, a “helper”, was falling asleep on next seat, holding a packet with rattles and diapers in his hands.
I can tell a lot more about the “miracle” of having 2 children, and when your first one is 5 years senior your little one. We were still lucky enough: we didn’t see any displays of children’s jealousy. Now, when my boys are already really grown-up and cannot live without each other, we’re all really happy. All troubles seem so small with time. By the highest standards, that’s the way it is. This is really wonderful when you have 2 children.
You sustained a very popular pause
Let’s suppose, that you will come back home from maternity hospital with your baby when your first one is already 3. What is waiting for you? A child, able to walk, talk and use chamber-pot is waiting for you. He asks you touching questions, listens to fairy-tales with interest, invites you for an imaginary tea-drinking, and you suddenly sink again into an absurd world of diapers, unpredictable demands and helplessness at one go. Just recently you taught your elder child to deals, like: “In an hour, when I cook lunch, we’ll go to a park and give food to your known birds”, – but now you’ve got a little “sovereign” in your hands again, who also wants – now! immediately! – to receive a portion of breast milk. And it doesn’t matter, that you haven’t managed to unbutton your blouse yet, not to mention finishing of sculpture of plasticine mushroom for your elder child.
Style of your maternity may also change. If you’ve never raised your voice on a baby, didn’t dare to touch him, now, when you notice a deliberate, dangerous attack on a helpless new-born, your hand will lift by itself, to slap a hooligan. If earlier you haven’t resorted to graft, now, to put a new-born to bed calmly, you’ll give a daddy’s organizer and a hand of lollipops to an elder one.
This way several months passed by. A husband went back to work, and you have no other helpers. You’re staying at home three together. At one time you’ll be singing some children song, playing with soap bubbles, nursing your little one and pushing oatmeal in your three-year-old little by little. However, you’re calm, as you know: in several hours there will come time of after-dinner sleep, and they, your dear children, will both begin to sniff in their beds at the same time.
When children’s age difference is quite small
If often happens, that either accidentally, or according to a plan, a second baby is born almost right after the first one. Someone thinks this is the most ideal variant, someone supposes this is the worst one. Probably, a mother’s psychics will suffer a little under such circumstances. You have to go to maternity hospital again, still calling your elder child “little one”, part with him for several days, and come back with another little one. This is a huge subconscious shock for many women.
However, on the one hand – small difference between children’s ages is good. Your first baby, probably, won’t be jealous of you to little one. One-year-old opens so many new things every day for himself, that a baby – is just another miracle for him. On the other hand – you’ll have to bear 2 sets of diapers, bed-sheets, nappies, bottles, formulas, and, of course, get extremely tired physically for a long time. You also understand that you’ll have to be watchful all the time: one-year-old “vandals” require vigilant surveillance. Most likely, your elder one will take more time, forces and patience from you, not a new-born, sleeping or gazing kindheartedly at this world.
The only thing that will help you (besides real help that very often is rather poor) – is to keep your little one with you always, so that not to break playing with elder one or doing house when your new-born calls you. It’s too wearsome for you – rush about kitchen, nursery, bedroom and bathroom for the whole day. You can put your little one in a baby carriage, basket or just on a sofa or an arm-chair near you.
An optimal interval. Does it exist?
Some women decide to give birth to another baby 15 and even 20 years after first childbirth. This is laudable. And these brave ladies admit that this is so wonderful – to pass through exciting moments again and turn to be a young mother, see shine in young father’s eyes and happiness on elder child’s face. With time, it becomes easier to bear sleepless nights, physical loads, you’ve already got pacification, inner composure, philosophic attitude to life. A child is really a miracle, charisma, endless happiness. Taking care of him is just a pleasure, moreover, now your husband responds to your requests of help with readiness, and your first-born – is an excellent reliable nurse.